Attack of the Fan girls
by Ursa's number one fan
Summary: A fanfic so crazy, it can't be summarized.


Disclaimer: I don't own avatar or star wars.

Avatar: The Last Airbender: Clone Wars

"Excellent," the elegant pale Kaminoan with a long neck who went by the name Taun We.

"It is progressing as we've hoped," the lower-ranked Kaminoan stated. "The Republic has paid their fee, gotten their merchandize, now we can focus on our true goal."

"Yes," Tsun We agreed. "Our time-space machine nears competition. We should be ready to test it by tomorrow."

"Yes sir," the Kaminoan said as he bowed and was dismissed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Sir?" a technician asked Taun We. "What did you want to send?"

Taun We thought for a moment. Why were these engineers so stupid?

"Just send a clone-generator through," Taun We said. They had 1001 of those things lying around, and they didn't need most of them. The big contract was up; their only use these days was to collect dust.

"Alright, powering up the space-time transporter," an engineer said. He was one of the main developers. "Starting transport."

There was a large explosion.

- - - - - - - - - - -- - - -

Zuko awoke to a knock on his door. A sweet voice called his name. His eyes widened in fear. It was another day in the life of a scarred prince, tormented by shame and disgrace, but hunted by fangirls.

In a heartbeat he was up, wide awake and on the run. Shelly was the girl who always tried to wake him up. He knew pretty soon Tina would be around with pancakes and muffins, wanting to feed him breakfast, as well as trying to win his affection. There was always a steady stream of girls, most of whom were benders surprising as bending requires years of devotion and study and these maidens seemed to devote their time or minds to nothing but pursuing him.

Back at FanGirl Base Alpha, the name chosen by the self-proclaimed original Zuko fangirl: Melissa, the second in command, a fifteen year old genius girl by the name of Mary Sue was sounding the alarm. Things were not very safe, Mary Sue felt as though one did not have to be a genius to figure such things out, but understanding that some of the other Zuko fangirls weren't the brightest she ran around warning everyone. The sky was falling. Well, not exactly, but a large metallic ship was rapidly descending from the sky. Fortunately thanks to the effort of Mary Sue, all of the fangirls lives were spared, that is, all of the fangirls but Melissa. She had ignored Mary Sue's warnings, and now the Zuko Fanclub became Mary Sue's Zuko Fanclub – otherwise known as the Mary Sues for short.

Zuko had managed to avoid Shelly, Tina, Mary, Martha, Celia, and Amber before lunch. He was mildly surprised that Melissa did not show up with a three-course lunch for him, but then again he was relieved that he didn't have to explain for the millionth time that he was not interested in love until he restored his honor.

- - - - - - - - -

The girls weren't quite sure what to make of the new shiny metallic ship in the middle of their base. At first it was suggested that it was Zuko's new ship, a gift to their idol from the gods. Betsy daringly boarded it to discover that it was full of odd looking, but kind of beautiful, aliens. But as that had nothing to do with Prince Zuko, the girls soon lost any interest.

The girls could deal with having a large ship-thing in the middle of their camp. They could deal with the tragic passing of their last leader, it meant less competition. But they could not deal with some of Mary Sue's new policies. At first it was nice to all get official T-shirts with an image of Zuko on them, but the fees got steep after a bit, and one could only use so many Zuko T-shirts, Zuko watches, and Zuko socks.

Another policy many of the girls were uneasy with was one that allowed for the members to take turns attempting to kidnap Zuko, only one attempt per day though. The leader, May Sue, got a turn each day though. But no one complained, most were happy to get a chance to interact with Zuko, even if he needed to be kidnapped to facilitate it – half of them dreamt nightly of being the one to rescue Zuko from fellow fan club members.

Marianna of the Dead Moon was the first to successfully kidnap Zuko. She carried him back hogtied. Marianna was probably the best huntress of the group, but she didn't even notice that she was being tailed when she made it back to the fanclub base.

Iroh tracked his nephew and the amazon-like girl who was kidnapping the lad. Mostly out of boredom., there wasn't much to do, he had already bested everyone he could beat at Pai Gow- so that was getting dull, so following a kidnapping as better than

- - - - - - -

Zuko coughed and hacked as he entered the camp. The smell of so many different perfumes was overwhelming. He hadn't counted on that, all of the girls did individually wear perfume, he often thought it smelled nice, much better than the normal stench of sweat that was always found on his ship. He realized that he might have a small problem when trying to escape as being non perfumed would easily give him away to anyone with a nose in the area. Unbeknown to Zuko Iroh stayed off in the shadows, with his nose covered by a cloth. While Zuko planned his escape, which kept on looking worse and worse in terms of chance for success without fatalities, Iroh schemed to free the lad.

By the time Marianna got Zuko into the special holding hut, which Clarissa, Candi and Jezebel designed just for the purpose of holding Zuko should he be captured, Mary Sue already had the guarding schedules prepared. You can bet she got the choice shifts of when Zuko would likely be awake.

As he was lead into the tent, he noticed that , in addition to it being in the middle of camp, it was next to a ship, or maybe it was a building, at any rate, the building was large and metal. At first glance Zuko wondered if it was a fellow fire nation ship, but then as he thought about it he realized that it was very shiny, and polished metal, something that all good fire nation captains wouldn't waste their time on doing. He wasn't sure but he thought he also noticed someone's feet and lower calves sticking out from underneath it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Zuko gave up. All of his escape attempts failed. He could escape from his bounds, but when surrounded by fan girls, constantly- he doubted they ever slept- it was pointless. Getting out of the tent away, from the official guard, was normally fairly easy, but outside of the tent there was normally between ten and fifteen fan girls. It disturbed him that there were normally fan girls hiding outside his tent at night than during the day.

Zuko hated it. He couldn't escape, not from lack of effort on his part. He almost felt bad for escaping, there were so many girls here who seemed so desperate for his attention. Most of them had a tragic past, and/or had a very unusual power – about a good third of them could bend more than one element. He was a little surprised they weren't successful in their kidnapping attempts earlier. But the mean part of him realized that he was among a freak-show of self-absorbed admirers who had the nerve kidnapped him.

Around what he guessed was the third night, Zuko realized it was oddly quiet around his tent. He smelled a stench he hadn't since he was kidnapped. He couldn't quite place it however. The tent door opened, and a familiar gruff voice said, "Had a fun vacation with your harem?"

"Uncle," Zuko said, looking up almost sheepishly at Iroh. Iroh's feet always had a particular odor to them, that's what the banished prince had smelled. "What is the plan?"

"Ok," Iroh said, after unbinding the prince and tying up and gagging the girl who was watching Zuko. "The plan is to head for the crazy metal ship, hide in it until they start sending out searching parties to look for you- the camp will be easier to escape from then."

Zuko nodded briefly, and the two quietly made their way to the ship. After spending far too long finding the door the two boarded it. It was unlike anything they'd ever seen. Light was coming out of glass, the metal was all polished, as if meant for a piece of fine jewelery.

The biggest shock came when Iroh and Zuko ran into the inhabitants of the ship. A tall- taller than any known human, slender pale white figure greeted the duo as they roamed the halls. "Can I help you?" it asked, making gestures as it surprisingly spoke in Zuko and Iroh's native tongue.

"Will you let us hide here?" Zuko asked straightforwardly. Iroh had been considering which formal honorific greeting to use, he shrugged when Zuko spared him the decision.

"Hide you?" the large-eyed alien asked. "What from?"

"Well, you see," Iroh said, smiling almost sheepishly, this was going to be hard to explain right. "You've looked outside and seen those girls all out there in that camp of theirs right?"

The alien nodded slightly and blinked. It had an unnatural beauty to it that left Zuko almost mesmerized.

"It seems," Iroh said, trying to make it sound reasonable. "It seems all of those gals rather fancy my nephew here. The creator knows why, I mean look at him, he's got a huge scar on his face! But anyway those girls like the boy, and they won't let him leave them."

"Is he their lawful slave?" the alien asked in a serious tone. "Do they have any legal claim over him?"

Zuko snapped out of it and frowned at the thought of being owned. "Slavery is illegal, only barbarians practice it. I am a prince not a slave. I do not know them, much less owe them anything."

Iroh chuckled at his nephews reaction. Zuko was a good kid, he valued what was right and just, but the kid sure needed to work on his manners.

"You may stay here as long as you wish," the alien said, bowing and then leaving.

Iroh frowned and sighed. "These being are too much like my nephew, good hearts but bad manners."

- - - - - - - - - -

Mary Sue was not happy. Not one bit. Bound and gagged in the tent that had housed her one true love (tm) Zuko for three whole days who had just ran off without her, rescued by his uncle. Today was the day she had planned for him to fall in love with her to top it all off. Things were not going according to plan.

She had a half hour until the next girl's shift. She must free herself from her bounds and recapture Zuko before then. The minions were restless already, discontent because of change, she figured. Any more they found that they could wrongly blame on her, she was afraid of what they'd do. They were all plotting against her, she cried at how she was always getting the raw end of the deal in life, she was trying so hard, doing so much good, but nobody ever appreciated her.

Unfortunately for poor mistreated Mary Sue, while she could ask the rope to untie itself nicely in 12 different languages, and tried 4 types of ninjitzu to free herself from it, it would not budge.

When Krystina entered the tent for her shift, she discovered Mary Sue, still bound and gagged. That was the last straw. She rallied the other fan girls and after a brief trial, Mary Sue was unanimously sentenced to death. Afterwards there was much rejoicing. "Ding Dong the Mary Sue is Dead" was the most common song sung, followed by "Joy to the World Mary Sue is dead," followed by an assortment of similar melodies.

While celebration fires burned outside the shiny metal ship, the duo in hiding were having a much less interesting evening. Zuko and his uncle Iroh wondered the ship rather aimlessly. The one alien they say didn't show its face again, and they didn't run into any others. To them the ship seemed to be completely deserted.

After a while Zuko confessed, "Uncle, I haven't slept in three days. I need to get some sleep."

Iroh and Zuko wondered around until they a room with several things that resembled beds, Zuko went to sleep, Iroh kept guard. He always made sure he got his eight hours of sleep a night.

Zuko woke up after a couple hours. At first he thought he was seeing double, as he saw two Irohs looking down at him.

"Finally I have found a Pai Gow opponent who is worthy," one of the Iroh said to Zuko.

Zuko passed out. He woke up on the floor. One of the Irohs said to him, "No more sleeping for you young man. The thing already made 1,000 Zukos."

Zuko paused for a moment in thought. "Uncle, I think we won't have to worry about the fangirls now. With so many of me, we can conquer them!"

Iroh raised an eyebrow to his nephew. "What would we want to do that for? They already all love you."

"For revenge Uncle," Zuko said with an uncharacteristically sadistic and evil smile. "Revenge against Zhao."

Iroh shrugged and continued his Pai Gow game with his clone, glad that no one questioned where the game set came from.

Zuko was good to his word, he and the 1,000 clones of himself took control of the fan-club formerly known as the Mary Sue Zuko fan club, and within a day the two masses were advancing towards Zhao.

- - - - - - - - - -

The Newly appointed Admiral Zhao woke up with a start. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the time piece, it said 5:45 am. He mildly cursed himself, "This is the last time I have triple peperoni pizza before going to bed."


End file.
